Maundy Thursday

This afternoon a facebook friend posted, "Theological question for the evening, Could you stay wake all night in the garden if someone plied you with wine all through dinner?"  Thinking back to my adventures in high school and college I replied, "I'd be frolicking through the garden nude."

Actually, after a glass of wine I get pretty sleepy.  I would definitely need some 5 hour energy or tea to keep me up all night with Jesus.  Right now that Mt. Dew I had with my pizza is keeping me awake.

Tonight I participated in our Maundy Thursday service.  Every church does something different.  Tonight I was a reader, communion assistant, and even part of the sermon.  Wow!  I don't understand how Pastor's do that weekend after weekend.  I must say that being a part of the service in that way makes it much more meaningful for me.  Tonight as we stripped the Altar, I read aloud Psalm 22.

The facebook post, the service tonight, and the Mt. Dew has me up thinking about Jesus in that Garden, praying, knowing what is about to happen.  It occurred to me that Jesus never got to go to sleep again.  Wednesday was his last night of sleep, and then Thursday he has a long day filled with passover, foot washing, and then he's praying in the garden...and bam...arrest and downward spiral.  The man had to be exhausted.  There hanging on the cross, completely exhausted.  It's not just the torture, but the sure exhaustion that really bothers me tonight.  The fact that Jesus was up all night worrying and praying to God for comfort.  His frustration with the disciples for falling asleep, and his faith in God that this is the right thing. 

It all reminded me of the night I lost my sister.

I remember feeling hopeless.  Not being able to sleep.  Not understanding what had just happened, but praying to God that it would be okay.

I hate the phrases "Every thing happens for a reason" and "God has a plan."  I refuse to believe in a God that would take my sister away from me to cause pain to my family as part of some divine plan.  However, I find comfort in the fact that God knows what it means to be exhausted and in pain.  That God suffers with us in through our trials.  That tomorrow we will meet God at the cross and on Sunday, we will all wake up to find an empty tomb. 

A Story

This past week I went to the Twin Cities for a thing at Luther Seminary called Winter Convocation.  Basically I heard a bunch of speakers, ate some food, hung out with friends, and then heard some more people talk.  It actually was pretty boring this year, except for the eat food and hang out with friends part, that was fantastic.  I also got to spend time with Erik, which is more fantastic!

On Groundhog's day, during my last workshop (which I didn't get the point of), Erik kept texting me to hurry up and come to the OCC (Student Campus Center).  After taking my time, and trying to get him to come meet me in Stubb Hall, I went to the OCC.  When I got the the OCC, his brother Andy was standing there holding a bouquet of flowers, which he gave to me and told me that my next clue was "a certain water fountain in the library."  "But there are lots of water fountains in the library!"  "He says you know."  Well, I did know, because when Erik and I first started dating, he sent me on a scavenger hunt.

In my knee high three inch heels and 15 degree weather I made my way from the OCC to the Library.  I looked under the water fountain and there was a picture of Toby where the call letters of a book.  I made my way to the book stacks and searched for the book.  I have to admit, it had been a while since I had used that filing system and it took me a while to find the book (and the Reese's!).  Inside the book was a note telling me to go check his mailbox.

I ventured outside again in my heels and thin gloves back to the OCC.  Meanwhile people are commented on my flowers.  Inside Erik's mailbox is a strip of pictures from a photo booth and a note telling me to tell me to "go to the stairwell where you first told me you wanted to date."

I'm not going to lie, I kind of knew what was up, but when I got that clue, I really knew and I got really excited and nervous.  I walked back outside to the stairwell in Bockman hall.  Erik was hiding around the corner.  I called out his name, and he peaked around the corner.  I said "hello."  He said "Hello.  You're suppose to ask if I have anything for you."  "Do you have anything for me?" I asked.

He pulled out a ring and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

And of course I said yes.

I absolutely love that he proposed to me in the same place I first told him I like him.  I now have an amazingly thoughtful sweet fiance.

Look I'm Blogging!

I live in this small town in the Midwest that has a professional football team.  Isn't that crazy?  A small town with professional sports.  What's even nuttier is that the team is owned by the town and the people.  Yeah, not some rich captialist guy, but common people.  And this team is going to the Super Bowl.  Which is even crazier considered the first half of the football season the majority of the team was injured.

Go Pack! Go!

Things are well.  Job is going well.  I decided not to go back to school for many reasons, but the main one is I enjoy working with the youth and want to focus on that (and advoid adults as much as possible).  I really enjoy it and I get to be creative. 

Erik got back from Norway in December.  We spent some days together over Christmas break, and then last weekend I went to go see him.  It was very cold in Minneapolis.  I'll see him next week when I go to Luther for Convocation.

I'm getting back into shape and training for a half-marathon.  I had slacked off too much for the full and I didn't want to run the full unless I could put in a good effort.  I've been at the gym everyday this week.  Except today was my rest day.

I've also started journaling again!  My hand cramps because I'm not use to writing, but it's probably better for me emotionally and spiritually then blogging.

Beer Wars



Sharing a beer flight with Sarah at
Titletown Brewery in Green Bay. 
Might I add their steak fries are delicious.



This evening I watched the movie Beer Wars.  It's all about America's beer industry and how a bunch of greedy capitalists have ruined your beer.  That's right, that watery crap you've been drinking, that so called light beer; that's not beer.  I really don't understand how people can drink that crap.  A couple years ago I started to drink beers with more flavor and decided that I needed to expand my beer drinking.

That's right, I became a beer snob.

It's true, I pride myself on being a beer snob.  At my 10 year class reunion I drank soda because I wasn't going to lower my standards for a Bud Light.  I can no longer drink Bud, Miller, or Coors without getting sick, literally, give me headaches.  It all taste like sugar water.  Perhaps all this snobbery started with the Old Chicago Beer Tour, but today I learned that most of those beers are still owned by the major corporations.



Dear Miller Light,
Our Relationship is Over.
Forever!

 My snobbish pride got even worse after moving to Wisconsin and learning to home brew with Erik.  Brewing beer is so easy and so much fun.  I'm surprised how much my taste buds have changed.  The only beer around here that I really drink is Spotted Cow or anything else from the New Glarus Brewing Company, and I love the local brewery, Titletown Brewery.   

The thing is, I associate light beer and these big companies with alcoholism.  Good beer is expensive.  And when you have a good beer, are you going to chug it, or sit back and enjoy it with a nice steak off the grill.  That's what I thought.  You are going to savor that fine brew.  But if you are just looking to get wasted, are your going to spend eight to ten dollars are a local six pack of craft brew bottles, or are you going to buy twelve aluminum cans of the cheap shit and do beer bongs (Beer in a can???  Isn't the point of that to stick it up a chicken's ass?).

I get so frustrated looking at all these pictures of "kids" on facebook drinking that cheap beer, because what are they doing, getting drunk.  The whole purpose of drinking crappy beer is to get drunk.  I know, I was in high school once, too.  I used to think Budweiser had flavor, then I grew up.

So grow up people.  Support your local economy that gives a damn about the environment and appreciates the art and craft of brewing, and stop drinking that commercial shit you think is beer.

29

Back when I was in Junior High there was this band called the Gin Blossoms.  You might remember the song, "Hey Jealous."  On the same album (this was back when people bought and listened to the whole CD) there was a song called "29."  As I approached my 29th birthday I remembered this song.  That's when I remembered this line..."29 you'd think I'd know better..."

My friend Heath tells me that 29 is a turning point of sorts.  Big things happen at 29.  This is because Jupiter returns to the position it was in when you were born (it takes Jupiter 29 years to run around the sun).  At 29 you either grow-up or get left behind.  Perhaps it's the limbo of all ages, your early 20s are long gone, but you haven't really made 30 (which I've decided is some magical age where everything comes together).

I hope this year brings more wisdom and maturity to my life (but not too much).  Maybe I will finally learn how to manage my money.

So far the year has started off well.  I got to see the Packers beat the Viking with my dad at Lambeau Field.  It was a really good game and time.  We parked my car by the stadium early in the day, then that night my mom dropped us off.  The great part (besides the Vikings losing and getting to watch Clay Matthews) was hanging out with my dad.  Dads are great at making you feel like a kid and buying you nachos.  Because secrectly, I still feel like I'm 12.

Home

Sometimes I wonder why I was so determined to leave West Central Illinois.  What would be so horrible about having a few friends from high school and seeing my family more often?  Perhaps if I just moved back home I wouldn't be so lonely all the time.  I would have people to go out to dinner with and friends to drink hot chocolate with.  I could go to my parents on Sunday for dinner.

But I'm not "home."  I'm not even sure what that word means.  I refer to my apartment as home, but I feel so lost.  I feel like my soul is spread all over the midwest.  I've made this circle, jumping back and forth over the Mississippi River and for what?  What am I really accomplishing in Green Bay?  Am I really making a difference?  Am I really living out my dreams?  Can I really stay here much longer?

I've been here over a year, and I believe I've been asked to dinner by a members of my congregation maybe twice.  I keep looking for ways to meet people.  I keep trying, but I'm not very successful.  I just blend in with everyone else and no one knows I'm new. 

I know I'm a strong, introverted person, but I really dislike Green Bay.  Cedar Rapids had more to do then this town. 

I cross off the days on my calendar, but what am I waiting for?  I'm going to be 29 and I know that's not old, but it feels like it is.  I feel like I should be making a bigger difference in the world.  That I should be doing more, something extreme, but I'm not. 

Let the Freaking Out Continue

Yep, I'm still a little freaked out by my decission to become a pastor.  My life will never be the same, but it's not really a scared freak out, it's a just a little freaked out. It's not a "I can't do this" it's a "What did I just do?" 

Today's Friday, so it's my day off!  I know, I took Monday off as well, but I only work 32 hours a week and I had board meetings this week, and that pretty much sucks up all my hours.  I hate meetings.  I know they are important, but sometimes they are just so painful.  Maybe I should start to knit during meetings to pass the time.

On the path to becoming a pastor, I have turned in my application and scheduled my psychological evaluation.  I need to still schedule my initial interview (I'll call on Monday) and read some short book.  Then December 9th and 10th my candadicy committee gets together and decides whether or not I am destined to a be a pastor.  If they decide yes, I will be taking online classes in Feburary, pending being admitted to the Seminary.  I also have to surrender my MA in order to transfer my MA into a MDiv.  I'm a bit shaken up about this.  I worked so hard for that degree, and I have to give it back if I want to count those years towards my new degree.  On the plus side, I am 15 credits (+ Greek), CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) and 1 intership year away from my MDiv.  I'm thinking it will take 3 years...maybe???

Oh, I think I will be planning a mission trip to Puerto Rico next year!  I called the Lutheran Camp, and quickly learned that I need to brush up on my Spanish.  I'm hoping they call back; I'm also hoping to find someone to translate :)

Wonderings...

Sunday was wear-your-Aaron-Rodgers-jersey to church day, I mean Rally Day.  We had a big kick off in the sanctuary and I planned a little pep rally for us.  We sang some songs, did a little cheer, and I wrote a skit for the teachers that was our "starting line-up."  It turned out pretty well.  On the downside, I didn't have enough tables and chairs for my Sunday School class and I'm a bit worried it might be too crowded, but if that's my only problem, I'm doing pretty well.

I've spent three days at church/work, so I decided to stay home today.  Also, I was up until 1am because I drank too much Mountain Dew while watching football and couldn't sleep.  I spent my day knitting.  I also signed up for about 10 promotional items (guess who's getting a free snack from Kashi!) and telling Sarah that boys are stupid.  I started looking for a part-time job as well.  I could use an extra 10 hours a weeks somewhere, otherwise it's going to be a drab Christmas.  I am broke. 

Which gets me wondering if this is the right time to be making the decision to go back to school and get my MDiv.  I have been pretty excited, but ever since I put my application into the "out" pile, I've been a little freaked out.  What have I done?!?  This is not to say that I'm not excited and certain I'm on the right path, it's more to say I'm a little freaked out about the path I've decided to take (or did I decide???).

Today when I was filling out a part-time applications (I desire to be a cashier with little responsibility), and I thought more and more about how I'm a leader.  I really do like being in charge. 

I pray for...

I am horrible at prayer.  When I have things at church that I need to lead a prayer for, I write it down first and then read it.  I'm sure this is acceptable, but I wish I could just pray out loud, but the only prayer that comes naturally from my mouth is "Come Lord Jesus."

I try to be a good little Christian and pray for my neighbors and friends in need.  I try to confess my sins and give thanks, the later being easier. But I also feel like a total slacker.  I get into bed at night and my first thought is "Shit, I forgot to pray."  I then try my best to pray in the way I was taught or I just give up trying my own thing and opt for the Lord's Prayer (which to be fair I pray at least twice a week).

Last night after I was done praying, I thought to myself: I am horrible at this, I am a rotten person.

Then I remembered that I am Lutheran and that thanks be to God I am not given my salvation based on my prayers and deeds.  Thank you God for GRACE!

This doesn't mean I stopped praying, I still pray.  But I pray for stupid things, like Doritos or bacon.  The thing is, sometimes I usually get those things.  (But come on, what cookout doesn't have chips???)  I kind of wonder if my prayers were really answered, or it's just coincidence.  Because why would God answer a prayer about food cravings and not about curing a dear friend's cancer.

These are the things I struggle with, but instead of running from them and declaring God non-existent, I've chosen to run in the other direction, having God embrace me in him/her arms and trust me to become a disciple and teacher of the The Word.

A Day in the Life of Me

I have decided my job is the most awesome job in the world.  Here is what I did today:

I made a posters with the letters G-O-D.

I wrote a skit about football.

I talked to a woman about Lilith.

I donated our Vacation Bible Camp materials.

I wrote an outline for Rally Day.

I discussed with a friend Jeremiah, potters and clay.

I sinned boldly and ate the Confirmation kids M&Ms.

I called the synod office to see if I was on the right track for a MDiv.

I emailed teachers to make sure they were on the right page for Sunday.

I cleaned off my desk.

I registered 4 kids for Sunday School.

Okay, maybe it sounds boring when I write it all out, but in truth, it was a very exciting day.  Espeically the part where I downloaded the font for ESPN in order to make a poster for the skit.  I mean, does your day ever involve making posters and eating M&Ms?  I think not.  My job is awesome.

Bienvenido Otoño!

I arrived home from Minnesota this evening to my living room feeling nice, crisp and fall-like.  I'm so glad I left all the windows open.  I put on a pot of hot chocolate and then decided tonight was a night for writing and thinking, and not numbing myself in front of the TV. 
I then took 30 minutes to make a "Fall" playlist on itunes.

I absolutely love Fall.  It is hands down, the best season.  A great excuse to curl up with a hot drink under a blanket and watch attractive men hit each other.   I love watching the leaves change color.  I can actually start running outside again because it's not super humid.  I can ride my bike to work without being soaking wet.  I'm so excited for Fall.

This last weekend I went to the Twin Cities for my friends Megan and Jason's wedding. This was the most emotional wedding I had ever been to.  Well, maybe for me.  When my friends Staci and Greg got married I was super excited, but I was in the wedding so I was kind of wrapped up in the day.  This time I got to see two of my friends come together and I just watched.  It was a great service.  It was so nice to go to an actual wedding service that wasn't horrible.  Weddings are just horrible, but this was good. 

I don't know how I didn't cry this weekend.  The wedding service made me emotional.  The toasts made me emotional.  Seeing all my friends made me emotional.  And then I went to Redeemer Lutheran Church for worship on Sunday....Pastor Kelly sermon was about answering our calls to God and being a part of God's plan.  Wow, talk about coincidence.  I'm surprised I didn't bawl my eyes out went I hugged Stephanie, who is the best hugger in the world (her hugs are better than Gay man hugs according to Anita). 

It was a good weekend.  I am super tired and my mind is racing with so many thoughts towards the future and those good old questions about the purpose of life, dreams, and goals.  I plan on sipping some more cocoa (3 mugs!) and catching up on my Bible readings.  I might even try to finish reading Uncle Tom's Cabin, which I've been reading since April.

Whatever happens, I feel pretty content right now.  Do I miss the boy, yes, but I always will.

Into the Great Wide Open

Lately I've been filled with mixed emotions.  I've been so down about Erik leaving for Norway, and that whole relationship in general. Who goes off to Norway and just tells their girlfriend without any openness to a discussion for the future...after dating for a couple years. 


In the end, I really needed to stand up and say, "hey, when am I am going to be a part of these decisions?" because I've never been.

Which gets me to thinking about relationships and life, and what does my future exactly hold?

I was thinking it's Bob Dylan's fault I can't find a guy.  I have these hopeless romantic notions of being the Girl from the North Country or Absolutely Sweet Marie.  I'd even go on to blame Neil Young and Tom Petty.  I really do need to date a musician or a poet. 

I've actually decided to go back to school and become a pastor.  I'm in the process of apply for candidacy and to school.  I've talked to my pastors as church and we're going to work something out so I can work and go to school.  It will probably take me forever, but the way I see it, I'm going to be a pastor for life and this isn't something I'll do "for awhile."

I am excited about it, and a little nervous.  I do love my job and I love working in the church.  Yes, there is some political bullshit, but I think there will always be no matter where I go and what I do.  The point is for some reason, I absolutely love talking about God and my Faith.  I love to talk to others about their faith.  I love the Bible and those stories.  I eat it up like it's chocolate.  Crazy, but it has to be.

My future is wide open.  I may still be lonely in Green Bay, but I do love what I'm doing here and I'm not ready to leave it.  I'm going to leave it up to God (or I guess the ELCA) to tell me when to move to the next place...

It Worked!

I never cease to amaze myself. Seriously, I can be pretty awesome. I decided for all my Sunday School Teachers and Volunteers I would have a Teacher Training/Orientation Dinner. And the amazing part...people showed up...to something at a church! I made some broccoli cheddar soup, bought some french bread, some fruit, and baked some brownies. It was all so yummy.

What amazes me is I planned this meeting, and some how managed to lead it and it went well. I don't mean to brag, but this never ceases to amaze me. I planned confirmation...and it worked. I planned a mission trip...and it worked. I planned Vacation Bible Camp...and it worked and they kids had fun...and I had fun! And tonight, I sat down with other women and told them all about Sunday School and schedules...and they listened.

I guess this means I'm in the right job. Although to be honest, I've never had anything fall apart on me...well, in the category of work.

I completely suck when it comes to relationship :)

Being Infinite

Last Tuesday I was coming back from Door County late at night with my friend. We had just driven up to his grandma's to drop off some of his belongs and say goodbye to his dog before he leaves to go aboard. We always end up listening to the Talking Heads together. I think it was Naive Melody or maybe Burning Down the House, but we got into this conversation about songs about houses and homes or what not, and started a discuss of how many songs can we think of that have the word home.

This led to listening to Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young's "Our House." The only word that can sum up how I felt driving through Sturgeon Bay as we giggled about the "two cats in the yard" is infinite. That moment you just lose yourself in and never want to leave.

I think the hardest part of the Mission Trip I led (besides worrying about girly girls) was not having my IPod with on the trip. I wanted more than anything to lose myself in a song as we rolled around the NorthEast by train. That's not to say my week wasn't filled with song.

While waiting for the subway, I often caught myself singing Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues." "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel and Petula Clark's "Downtown." And what is more fun than singing songs from West Side story on the actual West Side? Standing outside the Dakota Building and sitting in Strawberry Fields I just wanted to hear Imagine.

It was a great trip. I don't think the point of short term mission is so much to help the people you travel to, but maybe it is to change your life just a little.

Countdown to NYC

It's been so hot and muggy lately. And it's always raining, so it's been hard to motivate myself to work out. Plus I'm so stressed with this Mission Trip coming up. Yes, I know it will all be okay, but I'm still a bit stressed. I want everyone to have a good time, be happy, grow in their faith, and arrive safely home. I'm not really sure if I'm cut out for this mission trip leader stuff. But I guess the best way to find out, is to give it a go.

Life has been busy as usually. The girls came up and I took them around Green Bay. We went our for cheap Mexican food, to Bay Beach Amusement Park, to Door County, church, ran a beer run, and then went to the America's largest kitchen store (it's really not that big).

For the Fourth of July I went Up North with Erik to his grandma's cabin. It rained so I was forced to learn a million different card games and didn't even get to go boating or fishing. Erik did give in and play scrabble with me and we did a puzzle.

This week I went to a Brewers' game at Miller Park with Erik. We tailgating in the parking lot with his little cheap grill. The people next to us were celebrating a 22nd birthday so they were all getting very drunk. One of the girls ended up tipping our grill over. Which turned out okay because it became an opportunity for us to get to know our neighbors and we got some Spotted Cow Beer and birthday cake. The Brewers even ended up winning in the bottom of the 10th.

I leave for New York City on Saturday. I've never been to NYC, so I'm very excited. I'm mostly nervous about how crappy I get when I don't have any time to myself and when I have to travel with other people.

Reunions, Weddings, Camp

I just realized it's more than halfway through June and I haven't written anything this month.

I've been out of town the last two weekends. One weekend I went home for my 10 year reunion. It was good to see everyone and catch up as well as hear my brother's band play at the local bar.

Then the following weekend I went to Iowa for a roommate's wedding. It was okay. It was decorated beautifully. However, there was no alcohol and the wedding was a little too conservative/crazy religious. Yes, I work in a church, but I'm not down with wives submitting to husbands and husbands being the head of the household (unless you are actually going to preach that text right, please leave it alone.) Nor, was I okay with the groom practically asking the guests to come forward for an alter call. Thanks, but Jesus already chose me and I read Romans all the time, it's very Lutheran. In the end, I hope the bride will be happy and I hope she will have a voice and he loves her and treats her like a princess.

This coming week I will be at confirmation camp. I'm a bit nervous since I've never been to camp, but it'll be okay. This afternoon I went to the mall to find some shorts. LOL. Good luck. I could not find an appropriate attractive pair of shorts to wear to camp or for the mission trip this summer. I look stupid in those Bermuda shorts. I ended up getting discouraged and feeling unfashionable and went home for lunch, but I have no food because I've been out of town and don't want to go shopping since I'm going to be gone again :(

That is my life in a nutshell. I'm debating turning on the air, but I can suck it up. I'll just go shopping again :)

Animal Friendly

I'm a bit obsessed with looking at what other people are buying when I go to the grocery store. I'll admit, I'm a bit judgemental. Sometimes I just want to yell out to the obese woman that all those diet meals and diet pop are not going to help you lose weight, but instead, try eating some carrots. So early Wednesday morning I noticed a chubby little girl with her mother in front of me waiting to check out. It looked like they were buying her school lunch, because all they had was a lunchable. She was looking at the cover of TIME magazine. On the cover was a picture of the oil spill.

This made me incredibly sad. What had we done to this girl? What have we done to her future? Here we are polluting both her world and her body.

All this has promoted me to become a vegetarian, except in matter of hospitality (Read Acts 10). Although, I won't be a strict vegetarian, if I want to buy meat it's going to have to be organic and hopefully local. I'm remembering the line from Food Inc, where he says that every time we go to the store and purchase something, it's like voting, so even though I have such a tight budget, I'm trying to buy one organic thing each time I go.

It's the small things that matter :)

26.2

"Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."

Back in December I decided I wanted to start running again. But a 5K was too easy and I knew I would be frustrated if I trained for a half marathon and didn't beat my time. After two years off, I needed something different. So I decided to go all out and achieve one of my goals, the marathon.

After months of training, a knee injury, and lots of time on my bike, race day came.

My parents came up for the race. My father used to run when I very very little, so my mom have some experience of trying to find me on a race route. Saturday we went out for lunch, try curling, toured my church, and then ordered pizza and spent the evening in.

I have to say, I didn't have anxiety with all the other races. I slept alright. I think this might be because I live one mile from the starting line, so I knew traffic wasn't going to be a problem for us. Or maybe because I knew I was going to set a record no matter what I did. Or maybe because I just didn't care if I did fail, because I had tried. I dunno.

The start of the race was a 7am. It took me over 4 minutes to cross the starting line. There were that many people.

I decided I would try to run a 5 hour marathon, so I paced myself with the 5 hour team for the first 5 miles. Then I had to pee and that took a few minutes. My parents met me around mile 3 and then I saw them again around 8. My mom carried a bag with all the stuff I might want: extra socks, shoes, Vaseline, band aids, gu, etc. This was very helpful. I think it's what got me through the race, knowing I had support every 3-5 miles.

I ran pretty strong the first 13 miles. The marathoners and half marathoners run together for the first 12 miles. There were much more half marathoners and they would shout things like "3 more miles!" And I would go, "No, it's 16 more miles." At the split the halfers when left and I went right. Wow, that was something. Everything changed. The numbers thinned out and there were less people cheering.

The hardest part of the marathon I thought was between miles 16-19. Those four miles sucked. In my head I just wanted to get to 20. That was my goal. I wanted to get to what they call "The Wall." Apparently runner's hit a wall and just want to quit. This didn't happen to me. Running in 90% mental and I was mentally there the whole time. I wasn't trying to beat a certain time, I was just trying to finish, and this really helped.

At Mile 20 they had a big inflatable wall and there were 100s of people making a tunnel to run through and slap hands. I knew at 20 it was a new race.

There were more people cheering because we started to run downtown.

I walked a lot of this race. My IPOD playlist was set in a such a way that I had a fast song, then a slower song. So I'd run the fun songs, and relax during the slow. I highly recommend this.

At Mile 22 I listened to Journey's "Don't' Stop Believing."

At Mile 23 I thought "I only have a 5K left. If Anita can run a 5K, I can run one too." (How I found that logical after running 23 miles, I do not know).

At Mile 24 I started getting teary eyed. There were only 2 miles left, and really, what is 2 miles after you've ran 24. It's nothing.

At Mile 25 I decided I would dedicate my last mile to my sister, so I tried to run most of it.

When I got to Lambeau Field I still had enough energy to run around the entire football field. My IPod was really working for me because I was running to Todd Rudgren's Bang on the Drum.

Then as I made my way out of Lambeau, the Rocky song started playing. Somehow I had enough energy to kick it in and cross that finish line strong.

When I crossed I yelled, "I DID IT! I DID IT!" To which all the volunteers congratulated me and hugged me.

After I got my medal and t-shirt, and I met my parents and I started crying. I knew I would, because I cried when I ran my first 14 miles ever. I just kept saying, "I did it. I ran 26.2 miles."

I have never done anything like this. Sure, I've done a few halfs and they had prepared me for what to expect and I knew my needs pretty well. But the whole thing was incredible.

Am I nuts for thinking about doing this again next year?

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." -Prefontaine

Jesus Loves Hockey

Every morning I like to listen to the radio as I take my shower and get ready. I try to listen to the “pop” station to know what’s going on in music. It’s a work thing. What amazes me is that the DJs are older than me, yet still work for this station. I know they are older because the one DJ is always singing the oldies I listened to as a kid. But this post is not about old DJs.

One thing I love about radio is random facts. In the afternoon they always do the “this percentage of people blah, blah, blah…” Well, the other day the fact was something like this: “Couples who do this are happier than couples who don’t do this.”

And no, it’s not sex.

My thought was couples that cook and sit down for a meal.

This is also not true either.

The answer ended up being couples that go to sporting events.

Sporting events? Is this a joke? Does this mean that if you keep the man happy you are more likely to have a happy relationship?

Doubtful. I actually think it goes back to creation.

Tonight with my friend and I went to the Clark Cup USHL Championship game here in Green Bay. It was game 5 and we ended up getting cheap seats because the game ended up selling out. But still, it didn’t matter because we had a blast.

There is something about sporting events, and that something is…wait for it…COMMUNITY!

Sure, it’s not your Sunday worship or youth group getting together to serve at the local shelter. But it is complete strangers gathered for one soul purpose, to cheer on their local team. To share in the defeat and victory (and maybe watch a fight or two). There is just something about how the crowd claps together, how we do the YMCA together, how the music makes us want to jump! jump! It’s like a wedding almost. For one night we come together to celebrate our hope in this one team.

Tonight when the jumbo-tron called for more cowbell, I felt united with my fellow fans. I was part of something that was bigger than myself.

And this is what Christ has called us to do. Not go to hockey games, silly. Well, not exactly. But we are called to live in a community. We were created to live in harmony with each other and all the "critters." My favorite verse sums it all up, "it was not good for the man to be alone." We are called to be sisters and brothers. We are called to be the body of Christ and live as one.

And it’s time we get a little bit more confident in taking this idea outside the rink.

Food, INC: How do you reconnect and fix the earth?

Last night I watched Food Inc with Erik. It was really eye-opening, especially for someone who grew up in a farming community. I could understand someone living in the city not thinking about where their food comes from,but I grew up with friends who raised hogs and seeing my sister go off to de-tassel corn every year.

Once when driving through Iowa and Illinois Erik asked if he could eat the corn in the field. I knew he was just being silly, but still I answered, "No, most of the corn you see is feed corn." And he replied, "Where is the people corn?" That I didn't know. 18 years of living in this small farming community and all I knew about "people corn" was that our farmer friends usually gave us free bags of sweetcorn around July.

I could sum up the entire movie, and tell you all about the evils of the food industry, but I think you know, while you just don't know. Some of the stuff I learned was just amazing. How McDonald's changed the industry. Or how in Colorado you can't publicly say anything negative about the meat industry. Apparently the first amendment doesn't apply to your rights when you want to express your views on eating beef. I learned that Monsanto has a monopoly on the soybean seed. (Erik says they are the same company that invented Agent Orange.) That cows don't digest all that corn they are being fed. And you wouldn't believe the oil companies involvement in all this. Let's just say they are making a pretty penny by moving all that fed and food around.

I'm pretty concerned about being a conscience consumer. I know that our desire for cheaply made food is costing us our health and the lives of those in other countries. I know that eating fast food just helps pollute our earth a little more. (What I didn't know was how our illegal immigrant situation plays directly into this). I just didn't really know how bad it is and at whose benefit?

I recently re-read Rob Bell's Sex God (Read It!). The book talks about how sexuality is how we connect to each other, to God, and to the earth. We are definitely disconnected from everything. Sure, we have all this technology that God has given us the power to create, but are we really connecting? No. And because we are so disconnected from everything, we are polluting ourselves and our world. One of the points in the book talked about how we are so disconnected from earth (dirt) physically. Part of sexuality is being able to hold earth in your hands. Think about it. In Genesis 2 we are created from dirt. from earth. God breathes his breath/spirit into us. Then we are put into a garden to care for it. Our purpose was to care for this garden. And we blew it.

Because someone was curious.

Because somebody's helpmate just stood there and watched.

Because we became shameful and hid.

And the story is true because it shows how disconnected we become when we stray from our responsibilities

to God.

to the earth.

to each other.

And this gets me thinking about our food situation. If we aren't connected in anyway to what we put in our bodies on a daily basis, then why should we even care about who we share our bodies with?

Hello teen pregnancy.

STDs.

Abortion.

Brokenness.

Which brings us to the next part. Now what? How do we change the disconnections? Where does one start? (Especially one paying off tons of credit card (a disconnection from reality) and student loans.) How do you fix the earth on a budget?

Well, this is what I am doing now to connect to the earth and people. I recycle. I am biking whenever I can. It takes time, but I actually get to interact with people when I bike. I get to wave and say good morning to those out on their morning stroll. I save energy by unplugging everything I am not using. And I've started an organic container garden on my porch (called the Container Garden of Eden).

I'm planning on shopping at the Farmer's market when it starts in June. I love the farmer's market because you get to meet the grower and you get to walk around like it's a big festival every Saturday. My favorite part is when I get to walk around to see how much I can really get for a quarter. It's all about connecting.

My next step is to try to buy more organic foods. I think this will be pretty hard. I try to buy as few processed foods as possible. For health reasons I stick to the outside aisles of the supermarket. But I'm not sure I can afford to buy everything organic.

I don't eat meat. This started out as a single person/taste/cost thing, but now it will move beyond that. I just want my meat coming from happy cows. Maybe since I live in Wisconsin I will focus on supporting the local organic dairy farms. Each little bit helps.

If eating one small piece of fruit can totally disconnect us from everything, then why can't buying organic carrots at the farmer's market bring us back?