Home

Sometimes I wonder why I was so determined to leave West Central Illinois.  What would be so horrible about having a few friends from high school and seeing my family more often?  Perhaps if I just moved back home I wouldn't be so lonely all the time.  I would have people to go out to dinner with and friends to drink hot chocolate with.  I could go to my parents on Sunday for dinner.

But I'm not "home."  I'm not even sure what that word means.  I refer to my apartment as home, but I feel so lost.  I feel like my soul is spread all over the midwest.  I've made this circle, jumping back and forth over the Mississippi River and for what?  What am I really accomplishing in Green Bay?  Am I really making a difference?  Am I really living out my dreams?  Can I really stay here much longer?

I've been here over a year, and I believe I've been asked to dinner by a members of my congregation maybe twice.  I keep looking for ways to meet people.  I keep trying, but I'm not very successful.  I just blend in with everyone else and no one knows I'm new. 

I know I'm a strong, introverted person, but I really dislike Green Bay.  Cedar Rapids had more to do then this town. 

I cross off the days on my calendar, but what am I waiting for?  I'm going to be 29 and I know that's not old, but it feels like it is.  I feel like I should be making a bigger difference in the world.  That I should be doing more, something extreme, but I'm not.