One of my most favorite things to do in the whole wide world is to throw a party. I love to feed people. Any excuse to get in the kitchen and bake something makes my day. For Labor Day Erik and I had Grant and Kate over to his place. Grant is interning near Green Bay. Erik, of all people, was the one to go overboard on the food. I had made brownies, but Erik insisted that we get ice cream and an Oreo no-bake dessert. We also had brats, corn, watermelon, strawberries, and home-made mac’n’cheese. We were all stuffed. We didn’t even get to cutting open the watermelon. Not to mention Erik and I had bought some Shock Top, Spotted Cow, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. It was a good time, even if the boys won at Trivial Pursuit.
In the meantime, I find myself suddenly stress about the 16 hours a week I work. I keep thinking I’m not working hard enough. Is this life in the church? There is so much more I could be doing. Rally Sunday is this Sunday and I don’t even think I planned anything cool. That’s right, I’m worried about being cool. I teach my first adult/confirmation class next Wednesday. I’m a bit nervous about that. Our curriculum has not come in. I’m sure it will be all right. I’m learning to trust.
Which should be a new paragraph…
Trust. Why is it so hard to trust God? You’d think I could trust the man (or more likely woman) that created me in my mother’s womb. But no, I constantly question how I found myself in this position. Even though I feel very comfortable at Grace, and love the people I’m surrounded with, I still wonder how did I of all people end up working at a church. I have an office in a church…and I’m dating an intern pastor.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over these things. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why I’ve been constantly drawn to the mysteries that surround religion and church buildings.
But see, this is why I need to trust.
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