I pray for...

I am horrible at prayer.  When I have things at church that I need to lead a prayer for, I write it down first and then read it.  I'm sure this is acceptable, but I wish I could just pray out loud, but the only prayer that comes naturally from my mouth is "Come Lord Jesus."

I try to be a good little Christian and pray for my neighbors and friends in need.  I try to confess my sins and give thanks, the later being easier. But I also feel like a total slacker.  I get into bed at night and my first thought is "Shit, I forgot to pray."  I then try my best to pray in the way I was taught or I just give up trying my own thing and opt for the Lord's Prayer (which to be fair I pray at least twice a week).

Last night after I was done praying, I thought to myself: I am horrible at this, I am a rotten person.

Then I remembered that I am Lutheran and that thanks be to God I am not given my salvation based on my prayers and deeds.  Thank you God for GRACE!

This doesn't mean I stopped praying, I still pray.  But I pray for stupid things, like Doritos or bacon.  The thing is, sometimes I usually get those things.  (But come on, what cookout doesn't have chips???)  I kind of wonder if my prayers were really answered, or it's just coincidence.  Because why would God answer a prayer about food cravings and not about curing a dear friend's cancer.

These are the things I struggle with, but instead of running from them and declaring God non-existent, I've chosen to run in the other direction, having God embrace me in him/her arms and trust me to become a disciple and teacher of the The Word.

A Day in the Life of Me

I have decided my job is the most awesome job in the world.  Here is what I did today:

I made a posters with the letters G-O-D.

I wrote a skit about football.

I talked to a woman about Lilith.

I donated our Vacation Bible Camp materials.

I wrote an outline for Rally Day.

I discussed with a friend Jeremiah, potters and clay.

I sinned boldly and ate the Confirmation kids M&Ms.

I called the synod office to see if I was on the right track for a MDiv.

I emailed teachers to make sure they were on the right page for Sunday.

I cleaned off my desk.

I registered 4 kids for Sunday School.

Okay, maybe it sounds boring when I write it all out, but in truth, it was a very exciting day.  Espeically the part where I downloaded the font for ESPN in order to make a poster for the skit.  I mean, does your day ever involve making posters and eating M&Ms?  I think not.  My job is awesome.

Bienvenido Otoño!

I arrived home from Minnesota this evening to my living room feeling nice, crisp and fall-like.  I'm so glad I left all the windows open.  I put on a pot of hot chocolate and then decided tonight was a night for writing and thinking, and not numbing myself in front of the TV. 
I then took 30 minutes to make a "Fall" playlist on itunes.

I absolutely love Fall.  It is hands down, the best season.  A great excuse to curl up with a hot drink under a blanket and watch attractive men hit each other.   I love watching the leaves change color.  I can actually start running outside again because it's not super humid.  I can ride my bike to work without being soaking wet.  I'm so excited for Fall.

This last weekend I went to the Twin Cities for my friends Megan and Jason's wedding. This was the most emotional wedding I had ever been to.  Well, maybe for me.  When my friends Staci and Greg got married I was super excited, but I was in the wedding so I was kind of wrapped up in the day.  This time I got to see two of my friends come together and I just watched.  It was a great service.  It was so nice to go to an actual wedding service that wasn't horrible.  Weddings are just horrible, but this was good. 

I don't know how I didn't cry this weekend.  The wedding service made me emotional.  The toasts made me emotional.  Seeing all my friends made me emotional.  And then I went to Redeemer Lutheran Church for worship on Sunday....Pastor Kelly sermon was about answering our calls to God and being a part of God's plan.  Wow, talk about coincidence.  I'm surprised I didn't bawl my eyes out went I hugged Stephanie, who is the best hugger in the world (her hugs are better than Gay man hugs according to Anita). 

It was a good weekend.  I am super tired and my mind is racing with so many thoughts towards the future and those good old questions about the purpose of life, dreams, and goals.  I plan on sipping some more cocoa (3 mugs!) and catching up on my Bible readings.  I might even try to finish reading Uncle Tom's Cabin, which I've been reading since April.

Whatever happens, I feel pretty content right now.  Do I miss the boy, yes, but I always will.

Into the Great Wide Open

Lately I've been filled with mixed emotions.  I've been so down about Erik leaving for Norway, and that whole relationship in general. Who goes off to Norway and just tells their girlfriend without any openness to a discussion for the future...after dating for a couple years. 


In the end, I really needed to stand up and say, "hey, when am I am going to be a part of these decisions?" because I've never been.

Which gets me to thinking about relationships and life, and what does my future exactly hold?

I was thinking it's Bob Dylan's fault I can't find a guy.  I have these hopeless romantic notions of being the Girl from the North Country or Absolutely Sweet Marie.  I'd even go on to blame Neil Young and Tom Petty.  I really do need to date a musician or a poet. 

I've actually decided to go back to school and become a pastor.  I'm in the process of apply for candidacy and to school.  I've talked to my pastors as church and we're going to work something out so I can work and go to school.  It will probably take me forever, but the way I see it, I'm going to be a pastor for life and this isn't something I'll do "for awhile."

I am excited about it, and a little nervous.  I do love my job and I love working in the church.  Yes, there is some political bullshit, but I think there will always be no matter where I go and what I do.  The point is for some reason, I absolutely love talking about God and my Faith.  I love to talk to others about their faith.  I love the Bible and those stories.  I eat it up like it's chocolate.  Crazy, but it has to be.

My future is wide open.  I may still be lonely in Green Bay, but I do love what I'm doing here and I'm not ready to leave it.  I'm going to leave it up to God (or I guess the ELCA) to tell me when to move to the next place...

It Worked!

I never cease to amaze myself. Seriously, I can be pretty awesome. I decided for all my Sunday School Teachers and Volunteers I would have a Teacher Training/Orientation Dinner. And the amazing part...people showed up...to something at a church! I made some broccoli cheddar soup, bought some french bread, some fruit, and baked some brownies. It was all so yummy.

What amazes me is I planned this meeting, and some how managed to lead it and it went well. I don't mean to brag, but this never ceases to amaze me. I planned confirmation...and it worked. I planned a mission trip...and it worked. I planned Vacation Bible Camp...and it worked and they kids had fun...and I had fun! And tonight, I sat down with other women and told them all about Sunday School and schedules...and they listened.

I guess this means I'm in the right job. Although to be honest, I've never had anything fall apart on me...well, in the category of work.

I completely suck when it comes to relationship :)

Being Infinite

Last Tuesday I was coming back from Door County late at night with my friend. We had just driven up to his grandma's to drop off some of his belongs and say goodbye to his dog before he leaves to go aboard. We always end up listening to the Talking Heads together. I think it was Naive Melody or maybe Burning Down the House, but we got into this conversation about songs about houses and homes or what not, and started a discuss of how many songs can we think of that have the word home.

This led to listening to Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young's "Our House." The only word that can sum up how I felt driving through Sturgeon Bay as we giggled about the "two cats in the yard" is infinite. That moment you just lose yourself in and never want to leave.

I think the hardest part of the Mission Trip I led (besides worrying about girly girls) was not having my IPod with on the trip. I wanted more than anything to lose myself in a song as we rolled around the NorthEast by train. That's not to say my week wasn't filled with song.

While waiting for the subway, I often caught myself singing Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues." "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel and Petula Clark's "Downtown." And what is more fun than singing songs from West Side story on the actual West Side? Standing outside the Dakota Building and sitting in Strawberry Fields I just wanted to hear Imagine.

It was a great trip. I don't think the point of short term mission is so much to help the people you travel to, but maybe it is to change your life just a little.

Countdown to NYC

It's been so hot and muggy lately. And it's always raining, so it's been hard to motivate myself to work out. Plus I'm so stressed with this Mission Trip coming up. Yes, I know it will all be okay, but I'm still a bit stressed. I want everyone to have a good time, be happy, grow in their faith, and arrive safely home. I'm not really sure if I'm cut out for this mission trip leader stuff. But I guess the best way to find out, is to give it a go.

Life has been busy as usually. The girls came up and I took them around Green Bay. We went our for cheap Mexican food, to Bay Beach Amusement Park, to Door County, church, ran a beer run, and then went to the America's largest kitchen store (it's really not that big).

For the Fourth of July I went Up North with Erik to his grandma's cabin. It rained so I was forced to learn a million different card games and didn't even get to go boating or fishing. Erik did give in and play scrabble with me and we did a puzzle.

This week I went to a Brewers' game at Miller Park with Erik. We tailgating in the parking lot with his little cheap grill. The people next to us were celebrating a 22nd birthday so they were all getting very drunk. One of the girls ended up tipping our grill over. Which turned out okay because it became an opportunity for us to get to know our neighbors and we got some Spotted Cow Beer and birthday cake. The Brewers even ended up winning in the bottom of the 10th.

I leave for New York City on Saturday. I've never been to NYC, so I'm very excited. I'm mostly nervous about how crappy I get when I don't have any time to myself and when I have to travel with other people.